THE VOW 4.
Then the door flung open; it was my husband, my hands quickly received strength and I pushed Mark away. Jack just stood there, still, he had an expression on his face, it wasn’t anger, it wasn’t jealousy, and it was confusion. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out, then he said;
“Leave” I knew he was referring to Mark.
Mark looked at me; “please” I said, and he left. I was confused, I didn’t know what to say, and I really needed to say something;
“It’s not what you think” I said as tears flowed down my checks.
He laughed scornfully; “really?” he asked; “tell me what it is then, because I don’t know what I am thinking” he shouted bitterly.
I didn’t know what to say, I just stood there, crying. I wanted to explain, I wanted to tell him that I didn’t mean for it to happen, that he met when I was weak, I wanted to tell him that I was lonely and was insecure, and that I didn’t mean for all these to happen, but I was just as confused as he was. I wanted to tell him all these, but I couldn’t find the words, I had it all in my mind, but I didn’t know how to voice it out. God! Who would accept such an excuse? I looked at him sorrowfully as he took his seat. He looked so disappointed.
“Why?” I heard him say. I couldn’t give any reason; “Why” he shouted, crying now.
“I tried” I found myself saying; “I really tried not to hurt you but I was fed up”
“Fed up” he turned to look at me; “fed up of what?” he asked aback.
“I was fed up with your silence Jack, I was fed up of the way you treated me, you wouldn’t talk to me, and you wouldn’t even look at me! God knows I didn’t mean to hurt you Jack, I swear it was just a kiss and nothing more” I said apologetically.
“Just a kiss” he chuckled sorrowfully. “Just a kiss you say?” he asked as if to be sure of what I said.
“You wouldn’t talk to me, you never paid any attention to me Jack! You stopped caring about me. You didn’t even feel jealous after I spent the night in another man’s house! I wasn’t worth your jealousy Jack! You stopped loving me…”
I had barely completed my sentence when he exclaimed; “I lost my job Jane! I have been jobless for over four months now! All these while, I have been going out, looking for a job, I have been thinking of how to get money for the up keep of the family Jane! But how would you know since you are busy kissing college mates. I didn’t need to be jealous because I trusted you”. He strike his hands against the wall bitterly.
I sank down the wall in tears, and looked at my bitter husband. I had never seen him like that before, I covered my face with my hands as I cried profusely.
“I had the right to know” I said in tears; “why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to worry Jane, I didn’t want to bother you. You were already becoming a virago, and I didn’t want to add to your burden.” he said much calmly, but sorrowfully.
“Is that why you wouldn’t touch me? You ignored all of my sexual advances, and pretended not to notice me” I said looking him straight in the eye.
“I saw you,” he said shifting his gaze from me to the ceiling. “I saw you throwing your pills away. You wanted a child, and I couldn’t afford to have one, not when I was jobless”. He said.
I looked at him I tears, it’s true I stopped taking my pills, but I had no idea of what was going on. I didn’t know what to say, I loved my husband, but I felt like I had lost him. He couldn’t look at me even when I did not cheat, I wondered if he would ever be able to look at me again.
“Do you love him?” he asked sadly.
“I don’t! I swear, I don’t!” I stood up and started to walk towards him; “I love only you” I tried to touch him, but he dogged my touch, and said; “I need time”, then he walked away.
It’s been 5days now, he didn’t call me, neither did he come home, and he wouldn’t pick up my calls. I missed him, even though he didn’t use to speak to me or paid attention to me, I missed him. My bed was always cold at night, and there was no one to wake me up with noises, no one to fight or argue with me. The house was so empty.
I went to work the next day, Mark was there again, just as he had been the day before and the day before that and so on. I knew I would have to face him eventually, so I went to him.
“What do you want” I asked sternly
“I am sorry” he apologized.
“See, whatever happened between us the previous day was a mistake, I love my husband, even though things are not okay now I love my husband”
“But I...” he tried to interrupt me.
“Hussshh” I stopped him. “I am fed up with all this nonsense and I never want to see you again, I am not going to leave my husband for you, and I am not going to ruin my life because of a stupid infatuation!” I said seriously. He said nothing, like he was waiting for me to give him a go ahead. “You can speak now”.
“Ohhh… Okay, like said, I am sorry for what happened and I seriously regret it. Not the kiss, I mean, enjoyed it” I gave him a serious look “look, all I’m trying to say is that I know what I did was wrong, and I never meant to ruin your marriage, that’s why I took a transfer to Enugu.” He finally said
I was unbelievably relieved by what he said, we said our goodbyes and he left.
I went to my empty home that night and sank into my sofa. I was still wallowing in my loneliness, when I heard a sound from the bedroom. I was scared, I quickly went into the kitchen and picked a pestle, and slowly walked into my room. There, I found my husband, who laughed of seeing me. I didn’t laugh, I just stood there looking at him with a sad face, soon tears flowed down my eyes as I continually stared at him with a perplexed face, and he looked back at me smiling.
“So, you are back” I said sniffing my nose.
“Yes” he answered taking a deep breath.
“Are you going to leave me again?” I asked in tears.
He stood up and walked towards me, he held my hands and kissed my lips. Then he whispered; “I am never leaving you again. God! I missed you”.
He guided me to the sofa, and we sat down; “I never want to leave you again, but you have to promise never to ‘just’ kiss anyone again”. He chuckled.
“I promise” I said smiling. “No more secrets?”
“No more secrets, I promise. I love you”. He said.
“I love you too”. I replied, he hugged me, and kissed me continually. I stopped him before he went any further, I’m not on pills. “Don’t worry, I got a job. Moreover, it’s about time don’t you think?” then he slowly carried me to the bed.