🗨️ NO Structure, NO Sense, NO Rambling, NO Silence, NO Thinking, NO
It's been quite a long time since I posted anything... about anything. It's not that nothing's been happening, quite the opposite really and I'm increasingly feeling that life's passing me by. I simply don't have time to collate my thoughts... to reflect on anything... to think about myself. I haven't had time to write a dev. update... which I'm sure I'll mention in this post at some point. I haven't had time to do a lot of things... but I've also not had a chance to sit idly. So having put the-4yo-gorilla to bed (how is he 4 already??) and sat down at my computer to try curating (again!), I've decided that I'll ramble for a while instead and write down a load of things that have been playing on my mind.
💖 My Dear Cousin
On 18th May 2025, one of my cousins succumbed to cancer. Diagnosed with Stage 4 bowel cancer 2 years prior to this, he crammed a lot into his final days. A VIP pass to the Silverstone Grand Prix and VIP trips to Brentford's community stadium amongst some incredible highlights. His early death at just 40 years old being a stark reminder of how precious our time here is. His legacy of 3 beautiful girls who will now continue their lives without him. So unfair. So cruel. His parents - My Aunt and Uncle. Absolutely devastated and nothing will ever fill the void that he's left behind. For them, I have so few words. For the first time in my life, I haven't known what to say to them. The words just won't come 😢
The funeral was simply heart breaking. The pain was immense and felt by all. Fears that their wouldn't be enough room at the funeral were well founded. Not a spare seat to be seen with every inch of floor space occupied by those in attendance. Tantamount to the incredible life he led and the friends that he made along the way. The lives that he touched... and the stories that each of us have, impossible to tell without a smile and a laugh.
Rest In Peace my beloved cousin. Your suffering is over and you'll be dearly missed.
👨👩👦👦 the-4yo-gorilla
Slowly cheering things up, my little baby boy is now 4 years old. He has been for a while (14th April) and now that we're starting to prepare for him going to school in September, it's starting to dawn on me how quickly the last 4 years have gone. Much of my time spent here, on Steemit, some of which most certainly would have been better spent enjoying watching him grow up.
On seeing his new teacher last Friday at the new joiners' Teddy Bears Picnic, she asked "How are you feeling about him starting?" A question which for the past year I've answered, "I can't wait!" But this time, my answer... my feelings were different and I felt a sense of sadness. For 2 days per week, we've had "Daddy Day" where my baby boy and I would spend time together. Whether it's games, puzzles, colouring or a trip to the zoo, it's been our time. Just the 2 of us. Time that he will soon spend at school and then when the holidays come - his big brother will always be there too. Rarely will I get that special time shared between parent and individual child. Just as I rarely spend time alone with the-7yo-gorilla. 7. He'll be moving up to Junior School next year with the new requirement of wearing a tie. I don't like ties.
I'm more determined than ever to make sure that I cherish these moments before they transform into mere memories. Happy memories of moments that cannot be repeated.
🤓 Dev. Update
This isn't a proper dev. update because I don't have a huge amount to update you on. Since the last code release, I've been working with my designer on another incredibly significant update. Whilst working with him on the image overlays, I realised the difference and impact that his skills can have so we embarked on fulfilling the title of my proposal - Modernise steemit.com Interface. Completely revisiting the choice of layout, fonts, colours and all of the pretty things that make a site feel fresh and modern.
Unfortunately, progress is slow. Much slower than I'd like and I feel like the community isn't getting the value it deserves from the funding that I'm getting. Part of me thinks that this makes up for the "overtime" before the last release and that I know I'll make up once September comes but it's definitely playing on my mind. I want to do more but until my designer comes up with the goods (which he most certainly will), I feel idle.
Which is probably just as well. Because I'm a steemcurator again!
👍 What happened Steemit?
It's been a couple of years since I last curated with one of the steemcurator accounts. Working in a great team and having a good laugh along the way. We might have found it difficult sometimes to find things to vote on, but we always found enough good content to support.
This time, things are different and every time I search for something to vote on, I end up adding more people to my downvote trail than people to support.
Despite the Steemit Team opening up their criteria to support more users, I'm still very much a curator who wants to support people who give as much to the platform as they take away. If your power up wheel looks like the one to the right of these words, you're not getting any support from me. Maybe you'll get lucky with somebody else.
I know that the "clubs" programme wasn't for everybody and perhaps I've spent so long in my own bubble that I didn't realise what was slowly happening but I'm seeing the "transfer out everything" far more than I ever remember seeing it.
Have auto-votes killed creativity?
When I hit the "Post" button, I know that a certain level of votes will come in automatically. It's been so long, maybe they've been cancelled but typically, this might be in the $10 region. That's irrespective of whether I write a heart felt post like this one... or just upload a funny GIF. So why am I spending so long writing this post?
Because that's what I do. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everybody and some once great authors have become an utter bore.
I still run @curator-helper but that's struggling to find enough "curator-worthy" content. And I mean really struggling. When we last curated, we wouldn't be voting on a fraction of the content we're considering now. The bar is low. So very low. And even with this lower bar, it's a struggle.
EDIT: If I do find something good, one of the other 10 curation teams has normally got there first
What about comments?
Well, there's a lot of superficial crap going around, that's for sure. But anything meaningful? Tricky to find, right? Well... once again some old code has come to my "rescue". The old "Top Commenter" which I ran in WOX can scan a community and identify "Higher effort" comments to me. Which just brings me even more pain and sadness. I search through one community at a time and it's always the same small handful of users that I see. One of the larger European communities that should be rife with comments to vote on has just 7 comments that I'd consider reasonable effort. It's mostly the same people and this number also includes the "argument" about some crap content.
For 121 active posts and 90 active posters, that's pathetic.
I could go on. I've not even mentioned the Daily Delegation Crap which I always mention. And one of Steem's top witnesses who uses a Steemit Inc. delegation to run one of the worst offending services without oversight. Nobody seems to care about his 3 self-votes every day either. If our leadership does this and allows this, it's little surprise that so many are now following their lead.
Every time I look outside my bubble, it fills me with sadness. After just 4 days, I dread curating. I resent the time that it's consuming and the hours spent to give a combined 100% upvote. Especially when I return to the words that I wrote as an introduction to this post.
On the plus side, I have found a few users that I'm growing to like... simply because they are the names that I see in the comments more than any other.
Final Thoughts
- Zelda: Breath of the Wild is awesome. Play it.
- My boys love Mario Kart. Despite sucking at it.
- I miss the quiz but at the moment, I don't have time.
Bye for now.
All Photos are mine
I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. Cancer is a mean and nasty thing that doesn't care whether you're young or old; rich or poor. Having lost younger relatives to this awful thing, I know how devastating it is... and we end up sometimes questionling life, itself. My condolences.
Yes, time does fly... and — as the years pass — it seems to fly ever faster. Spend as much time with that young Gorilla as you possibly can! Late this spring, we welcomed grandbabies no. four and five (which is definitely cool, but has made me a less frequent visitor here) but it also made us pause to reflect on the fact the we have no idea how our oldest grandchild got to be almost turning 16!
Steemit. Well. In the "very old days" I would sometimes spend an hour or two just refreshing the "recent" posts feed, over and over, looking for interesting new content and users. These days there just seems to be so much garbage coming through... mostly in the form of
Once in a great while, a gold nugget or two shows up, but it's a lot of work to find it... and that leaves me mostly engaging with "the same old crowd."
Meanwhile, simply being alive and living in the States feels increasingly like a daily slide back towards the Dark Ages... not very positive.
But glad to see signs of life from you!
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Wow, that's very cool. They must keep you extremely busy!
As you probably know, I've created a couple of tools which helps to filter out specific tags, users, etc. and even with this, it's extremely difficult. And still extremely time consuming. If Steemit looked like this when I signed up, it's highly unlikely that I would have persevered, which is a shame because there are some good people... there's just so little being done about the bad to disincentivise people from following the same path. I really don't enjoy feeling this negative about the direction things are taking.
I've not checked, but I strongly suspect the Newcomers' Community's suddenly become more active now that it has got steemcurator support. Which of course, equates to more scam accounts being created because there's no way these newbies could possibly know this. I'm assuming of course!
I don't really understand the TipTag thing, but its creator has applied for DAO funding to expand it further so he obviously believes there's an underlying benefit to STEEM by doing it... (?)
Nothing surprises me about what happens in the States any more. I was amazed when Trump got elected the first time around and after all of the criminal proceedings, getting a second term says more about the state of American politics than anything else!
Thank you! I still drop into your blog when I can 🙂
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I like reading whatever you post, even your GIFs have sometimes more character than some 300-word posts. 🙂
I think I can relate to your words. A lot is going on in life that I also don't find time to reflect on. In my case, sometimes I think about writing something then I think it's not good enough. I start writing a comment and then something comes up which makes me leave midway. Later, I forget about it and move on to new content, and the cycle continues.
My boys are almost the age of your boys — 8 and soon-to-be 5. They do grow up fast. Like you, I couldn't wait for them to be independent and now when I hold my little one, I see how fast he has outgrown my lap. When I joined steem, my elder one was only 1-yo and now he's almost reaching my shoulders. Where did all the time go?
I can't say there's no content because honestly, I haven't tried reading anything beyond my feed lately, and thanks to your Hide Resteems feature, there are fewer posts than ever that I get to read. (I don't like unchecking that box😅) However, I can imagine how frustrating curation can be these days. Most have lost interest or I think there's so much inflation now that people simply don't have enough time to put effort into something that can't pay their bills.
I'm so sorry about your cousin. I don't know what to say, I also have a relative who was diagnosed with this vicious disease last year. I can't imagine anything happening to her.
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Well thank you. Sometimes, a GIF can say 1,000 words.
I can absolutely, 100% guarantee, that it's good enough. We've reached the point where a post about potatoes would be seriously considered for a vote.
Almost the identical age gap to us. When they were teeny weeny, I knew that I'd miss them lying on my chest, sleeping. Where I could sit and watch the Grand Prix or football (although there were tears when I cheered a goal!) with the little one cupped up in one hand. They're still small enough to wrap them up to watch a movie though... or lie down and have a snuggle with the little one. It's the little things that we cherish. Although today has been a bad day with them!
I didn't really either - I would occasionally notice somebody new popping up in comments that I'd be interested in - I've said so many times that "ignorance is bliss".
And the idea of writing for pleasure or as a release has always been a rarity.
It's that last sentence that really resonates. Even when he got his diagnosis and "expected timeline", there was always the belief that "he'll be fine". It would have been nice to be right this time!
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Sshh... Don't say that out loud. We'll have another round of how-to-grow-potatoes.
Yeah same but I have a feeling that won't last long. Mine is already always more interested in what his big brother is up to. But can you imagine they are already fighting over Ronaldo and Messi.
Do they fight? Don't tell me otherwise. I won't believe.
It will always be a rarity for the same reasons. People simply don't have enough time to do things for pleasure like in the past. It's not just writing on Steemit. It goes for other hobbies too.
😟
Hey Mate
Sorry to hear about your cousin passing away - sounds like it would have been a hard time for all.
As for the little Gorilla time flies doesn't it?
I really miss when my kids were under 7 and still thought i was cool - enjoy every moment.
Have a good weekend
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It's only now that I've really started to notice how quickly it's gone. The prospect of him starting school has really woken me up!
You're still cool, don't let them tell you otherwise.
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It's no secret that we are currently exchanging a lot of information. Of course, especially about curating and ‘👍 What happened Steemit?’, but I also know about your personal experiences and have already shared my emotional thoughts with you. Nevertheless, I'm hopping in here to comment. A little sign? Never mind, I just want to tell you: of course I read the text and... enjoyed it! It's so good, so good to read something that comes from the heart again. And... Oh, you know what I'm wasting most of my life on at the moment - so you know what I mean... 😔
ADDITION: Even sc01 and sc02 are often already there as soon as a text appears to be worth reading or comes from a ‘well-known’ author who you know you don't have to look for any rough edges (although according to our criteria they occasionally get it wrong themselves).
And if they weren't there, then they come later - at least on the posts that we would suggest as ‘Pick of the Week’. How frustrating for us, and for all those who are still thinking seriously about how to promote honest content on the Steem.
Unknown author... 😉
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I think that we've still got to pick them if we feel they're the best. I saw somebody didn't pick a SLC winner because "their post had already been voted by sc01". They got a slap on the wrist for that one! You know my plan though - obviously taking a different approach 😆
Whoever they are, they're very polite to censor the word fucking 🤣
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🤭 Obviously it wasn't you...
I am very sorry for your loss. Cancer is an arsehole... I am also sorry that you are once again so demotivated. I'm making myself a bit scarce at the moment, but I see that as a positive - I'm enjoying my new life more than describing it ;-)) You'll get back to that too. Some things take time. And sometimes positive surprises help ;-))
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An especially appropriate choice of phrase for bowel cancer 😉
I'd come to peace with it until I went to the funeral. I'd already had the opportunity to say goodbye (literally but not in a way that brings sadness) and it was only when I saw his girls and parents that it really broke me. I think about them a lot.
I think that's a great way of summarising my feelings too. Would I be correct in assuming that you're consumed with your house renovation? That's another thing that I didn't mention - our house is a building site and has been for a while. I finally got around to putting a ceiling up this week and I already feel better. I got up early(ish) (6am) to try to tidy a bit before the kids got up but saw these messages first and decided that I need to reply to a couple before getting started. Some might call it procrastination but I prefer to see it as appreciation 🙂
Thanks for dropping by 🙂
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Of course, the renovation is not yet complete - we are currently finalising a guest flat, but first and foremost we live here now. In peace and quiet. We watch butterflies in the morning, go for a bike ride or look at the stars. Normal things that simply didn't happen in the city. We're fine with it! And maybe I really am someone who mainly writes when I'm not in a good mood, as therapy...
Me extrañaba que estuvieses un poco ausente, aunque comprendo mucho que a veces no hay un motivo para escribir... Lamento mucho la perdida de tu ser querido, realmente son vacíos que no se pueden llenar. Por otro lado me alegra que te hayas animado a participar en un equipo curador porque es una manera de regreses a estas andanzas... También puedo comprender la tristeza que se siente de no poder encontrar algo que leer con lo cual te puedas identificar o al menos llamar la atención, pero sí hay algunas personas que hacen comentarios genuinos así como publicaciones.
Espero que el clima en general mejore para ti, la nostalgia que da el crecimiento de nuestros hijos es muy grande, cada vez que van creciendo una parte de ellos queda atras y recibimos una nueva... siempre vamos a extrañar a aquellos bebés tan tiernos y que nos roban el corazón con su mirada, y luego vamos a tener alguien más grande, que por supuesto vamos a amar de igual manera, inmensamente.
Gracias por estar por aquí. 🤗
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I'm finding the curation a strange and difficult experience. I suppose it was always difficult to sieve through and find the gem that nobody else has noticed yet but in the past, I knew that it was there - it was just a question of finding it. Either the gems are harder to find now, or they're simply not there.
I've certainly found some good, interactive people that I want to support. There are some new names to me that keep cropping up and I have enjoyed engaging with these new people (without the feeling that they want to take, take, take). I probably focused too much on what I haven't been able to find, rather than what I have.
It's been incredibly hard work raising the boys and at times, this has overshadowed the special moments. With the-4yo, there are definitely more special moments than not at the moment. With the-7yo, his head is seemingly on another planet and no matter what's said to him, he's like an express train that doesn't seem capable of slowing down or changing direction until there's an abrupt crash (causing the inevitable tears and crying for attention). It's almost as though me and the-4yo completely understand each other whereas the-7yo is more like the-mrs-gorilla whose head is always in a different universe and running at a different wavelength to me. Which is quite simply, exhausting!
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Well, I've heard that people tend to have affinity with one child's personality more than another. I don't know how that feels because I only have one child, haha... although his dad always told me: "He's just like you, exactly like you." Even so, there are times when I don't understand my son, but sometimes I try to adapt to him, just to share... Children achieve things that no one else can, hehe...😅😉
Saludos amigo de todo lo que compartes solo me quedé con el tiempo con tu hijo la forma como lo describes de verdad me llegó al corazón y es que de eso se trata la vida, la muerte es algo natural solo que nos cuesta dejar ir a un ser querido, solo son momentos de nuestra vida, estoy segura que despertar cada mañana y ver la sonrisa de tu hijo te alegra el alma.
Bendiciones 💛💙❤️
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Thank you and yes, my boy can't help but make me smile. He gets so excited about some of the silliest things that we do together that end up becoming "our game". Silly things like me trying to grab his tongue when he sticks it out at me almost always results in belly chuckles.... you know the belly chuckle which is impossible to fake and would make the grumpiest of people smile. Oh, I love those chuckles 😆 I'm smiling just imagining them!
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I cannot help but offer my sincere condolences regarding what happened. Damn cancer... I was recently in this situation and I know how painful it is for you.
About everything concerning Steemit... yes, there is something to think about. First of all, I have made some conclusions for myself – what I write and how, and what to do with it. So thank you. It allows me to understand in which direction to move further.
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Thank you.
I'm intrigued to hear what you've learned about Steemit so far? I've had a quick skim of your blog and I quite enjoyed your introduction - despite not introducing yourself 🙂
I have been familiar with Steemit for a long time, approximately since 2018. That’s why I know much more about Steemit than one might assume. I abandoned my blog for three years and returned in October 2024. After such a long break, I needed some time to get back into it and to understand who writes about what and who reads what. It was exactly that time when I was re-learning Steemit. That’s when I found the Ukrainian community and felt more or less “in my element”.
By the end of 2024, I realised that I needed somehow to legalise my relationship with crypto. My old account was completely unsuitable for such a scenario because of the movements of Steem in the past. So I had to create a new account and continue blogging from scratch. A month later, I consulted a financial auditor regarding taxes.
Here is my answer to the question of why I don’t have an introduction about myself. In my vision, Steemit is an ecosystem, although many compare it to a social network. I am fully aware of the importance of quality content and accumulating SP. Lately, I have been suffering from a catastrophic lack of time, and this affects my activity on Steemit. Sometimes I see that I’m turning into a boring author who writes various rubbish that no one is interested in and which carries no informational value. I started to realise this most of all today, after reading your post. This trap is the category “The Diary Game” which allows one to write the most meaningless posts. It’s time for me to stop doing this.
Sorry for the late reply.
I am sorry for the loss of your cousin. 40 is much too young.
I've been checking your account for updates recently, so I'm glad to see that stuff is going on behind the scenes. Looking forward to seeing the redesign.
I see this with Thoth, too. If it takes him about 1-2 hours to find five posts in the early days, it might take 4-6 hours with the same screening rules in recent times. And even if the modern stuff meets the screening restrictions, it's still more likely to feel "soulless". I think this actually might have started trailing off in 2019, which surprised me. I would not have guessed that before starting the project.
I'm still hopeful that #lifetime-rewards can turn this around, but trying to get to that point is slow, uncertain, and frustrating.
Wow. I was unaware of this. I always wondered about their witness voting on that account, but delegation, too.... I don't get it...
Sorry to hear about your cousin's passing away. That shit called cancer isn't a friendly stuff at all, it always come to create pains and sorrow, I can relate.