It's been quite a long time since I posted anything... about anything. It's not that nothing's been happening, quite the opposite really and I'm increasingly feeling that life's passing me by. I simply don't have time to collate my thoughts... to reflect on anything... to think about myself. I haven't had time to write a dev. update... which I'm sure I'll mention in this post at some point. I haven't had time to do a lot of things... but I've also not had a chance to sit idly. So having put the-4yo-gorilla to bed (how is he 4 already??) and sat down at my computer to try curating (again!), I've decided that I'll ramble for a while instead and write down a load of things that have been playing on my mind.

💖 My Dear Cousin

On 18th May 2025, one of my cousins succumbed to cancer. Diagnosed with Stage 4 bowel cancer 2 years prior to this, he crammed a lot into his final days. A VIP pass to the Silverstone Grand Prix and VIP trips to Brentford's community stadium amongst some incredible highlights. His early death at just 40 years old being a stark reminder of how precious our time here is. His legacy of 3 beautiful girls who will now continue their lives without him. So unfair. So cruel. His parents - My Aunt and Uncle. Absolutely devastated and nothing will ever fill the void that he's left behind. For them, I have so few words. For the first time in my life, I haven't known what to say to them. The words just won't come 😢

The funeral was simply heart breaking. The pain was immense and felt by all. Fears that their wouldn't be enough room at the funeral were well founded. Not a spare seat to be seen with every inch of floor space occupied by those in attendance. Tantamount to the incredible life he led and the friends that he made along the way. The lives that he touched... and the stories that each of us have, impossible to tell without a smile and a laugh.

Rest In Peace my beloved cousin. Your suffering is over and you'll be dearly missed.

👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 the-4yo-gorilla

Slowly cheering things up, my little baby boy is now 4 years old. He has been for a while (14th April) and now that we're starting to prepare for him going to school in September, it's starting to dawn on me how quickly the last 4 years have gone. Much of my time spent here, on Steemit, some of which most certainly would have been better spent enjoying watching him grow up.

On seeing his new teacher last Friday at the new joiners' Teddy Bears Picnic, she asked "How are you feeling about him starting?" A question which for the past year I've answered, "I can't wait!" But this time, my answer... my feelings were different and I felt a sense of sadness. For 2 days per week, we've had "Daddy Day" where my baby boy and I would spend time together. Whether it's games, puzzles, colouring or a trip to the zoo, it's been our time. Just the 2 of us. Time that he will soon spend at school and then when the holidays come - his big brother will always be there too. Rarely will I get that special time shared between parent and individual child. Just as I rarely spend time alone with the-7yo-gorilla. 7. He'll be moving up to Junior School next year with the new requirement of wearing a tie. I don't like ties.

I'm more determined than ever to make sure that I cherish these moments before they transform into mere memories. Happy memories of moments that cannot be repeated.

🤓 Dev. Update

This isn't a proper dev. update because I don't have a huge amount to update you on. Since the last code release, I've been working with my designer on another incredibly significant update. Whilst working with him on the image overlays, I realised the difference and impact that his skills can have so we embarked on fulfilling the title of my proposal - Modernise steemit.com Interface. Completely revisiting the choice of layout, fonts, colours and all of the pretty things that make a site feel fresh and modern.

Unfortunately, progress is slow. Much slower than I'd like and I feel like the community isn't getting the value it deserves from the funding that I'm getting. Part of me thinks that this makes up for the "overtime" before the last release and that I know I'll make up once September comes but it's definitely playing on my mind. I want to do more but until my designer comes up with the goods (which he most certainly will), I feel idle.

Which is probably just as well. Because I'm a steemcurator again!

👍 What happened Steemit?

It's been a couple of years since I last curated with one of the steemcurator accounts. Working in a great team and having a good laugh along the way. We might have found it difficult sometimes to find things to vote on, but we always found enough good content to support.

This time, things are different and every time I search for something to vote on, I end up adding more people to my downvote trail than people to support.

Despite the Steemit Team opening up their criteria to support more users, I'm still very much a curator who wants to support people who give as much to the platform as they take away. If your power up wheel looks like the one to the right of these words, you're not getting any support from me. Maybe you'll get lucky with somebody else.

I know that the "clubs" programme wasn't for everybody and perhaps I've spent so long in my own bubble that I didn't realise what was slowly happening but I'm seeing the "transfer out everything" far more than I ever remember seeing it.

Have auto-votes killed creativity?
When I hit the "Post" button, I know that a certain level of votes will come in automatically. It's been so long, maybe they've been cancelled but typically, this might be in the $10 region. That's irrespective of whether I write a heart felt post like this one... or just upload a funny GIF. So why am I spending so long writing this post?

Because that's what I do. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everybody and some once great authors have become an utter bore.

I still run @curator-helper but that's struggling to find enough "curator-worthy" content. And I mean really struggling. When we last curated, we wouldn't be voting on a fraction of the content we're considering now. The bar is low. So very low. And even with this lower bar, it's a struggle.

EDIT: If I do find something good, one of the other 10 curation teams has normally got there first

What about comments?
Well, there's a lot of superficial crap going around, that's for sure. But anything meaningful? Tricky to find, right? Well... once again some old code has come to my "rescue". The old "Top Commenter" which I ran in WOX can scan a community and identify "Higher effort" comments to me. Which just brings me even more pain and sadness. I search through one community at a time and it's always the same small handful of users that I see. One of the larger European communities that should be rife with comments to vote on has just 7 comments that I'd consider reasonable effort. It's mostly the same people and this number also includes the "argument" about some crap content.

For 121 active posts and 90 active posters, that's pathetic.

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I could go on. I've not even mentioned the Daily Delegation Crap which I always mention. And one of Steem's top witnesses who uses a Steemit Inc. delegation to run one of the worst offending services without oversight. Nobody seems to care about his 3 self-votes every day either. If our leadership does this and allows this, it's little surprise that so many are now following their lead.

Every time I look outside my bubble, it fills me with sadness. After just 4 days, I dread curating. I resent the time that it's consuming and the hours spent to give a combined 100% upvote. Especially when I return to the words that I wrote as an introduction to this post.

On the plus side, I have found a few users that I'm growing to like... simply because they are the names that I see in the comments more than any other.

Final Thoughts

1. Zelda: Breath of the Wild is awesome. Play it.
2. My boys love Mario Kart. Despite sucking at it.
3. I miss the quiz but at the moment, I don't have time.

Bye for now.

All Photos are mine