"SLC-S24/W6 - Powerful Debate | Yes or no/ pros and cons".

Boundaries and expectations: pros and cons.

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Hello Steemian friends, we have come to the last week of SLC-S24/W6. The Ladies Universe Community team brought us very powerful topics to debate. I believe all those publications gave us valuable ideas to maintain our relationships successfully.

Even this week, they provided us with a very powerful topic. As previously mentioned, this week my topic is Boundaries and Expectations: Pros and Cons.

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Once I saw a bird growing in a comfortable cage in my friend's house. In that cage had everything the bird wanted: fresh seeds, water, and even a mirror to talk to. But the bird sat still and quiet.

One day, the door of the cage was left open. But the bird didn't fly away immediately. It sat a while, watching. Later, it slowly flew into the sky, not because it hated the cage, but because it missed the sky.

That is how I feel about the relationship without boundaries. Cozy cages may be safe, but they may be oppressive.

Therefore, in my opinion, love without boundaries is not love, but it is surrender. What are expectations? Those are soft signposts that tell us what we value and what we hope for.

I will bring you one story that taught me everything about boundaries and expectations.

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Everyone called my cousin Nadeesha's marriage a "perfect" one. She shared with us smiling photos, social media posts, and matching clothes, but behind the screen, she was drowning.

Her husband loved her well but controlled her at every time. He had no bad intentions, but it upset my cousin. She had no right to visit her mother without asking him. She had to stop wearing her favorite sarees because he didn't like the colors. She wasn’t allowed to engage with her friends, as she wanted. Even she had to give up her job because he didn’t like to see her doing her job. Little by little, her laughter faded. In a nutshell, she couldn't do anything without his permission.

One night, she called me and said, "I am afraid I have become invisible." I tried to make up her mind, but things didn’t change.

She didn't want to leave him, but she wanted to see herself as a woman with opinions, ambitions, and her own space, not just as a wife.

One day, she had done a bold action. She had written him a letter saying, "I love you, but I want air to breathe. I want to feel like me. I want to build a new thing with a space for both of us.

But that was not easy. There were arguments, tears, and even silence. But finally, things changed. He listened to my cousin and rebuilt their lives with respect and with boundaries.

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That story taught me that love means giving up everything and love sometimes needs sacrifices. But if one person stays unchanged, they will slowly become unhappy inside.

Expectations are essential to our relationship because they are like a small light that guides us.

I also believe in boundaries. That is not to push the people away but to protect our feelings. Boundaries are like a fence around a garden. Boundaries do not block love; instead, they keep it safe.

In true love,

• Love me, but don’t make me feel trapped.
• Care about me, but don’t try to control me.
• Be with me, but walk next to me, not in front or behind.

Because true love means both are growing freely and honestly being themselves.

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Then what are the pros of having boundaries and expectations?

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The first thing is it protects our soul. Boundaries help us to feel safe in our relationships. When we feel that our partner respects our space and feelings, then naturally our trust in him develops.

Expectations help us avoid misunderstandings. It keeps both people in the same line because we know what is acceptable and what is not.

It also helps us to develop our self-respect. When we set boundaries, we show that our feelings matter too. It builds confidence, and that helps others to treat us with respect.

As boundaries help us create room to breathe, they allow each person to keep their individuality while being in the relationship. That helps us to stay healthy.

Boundaries and expectations also teach us that love is about receiving love and care in return, not only giving without conditions.

Now, let's see what the cons of having boundaries and expectations are.

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It creates a misunderstanding because when someone sets boundaries, people think that they are too strict or cold.

When the other person is expecting too much or not mentioning it, it can lead to hurt feelings if the other person fails to meet them. That will create a disappointment.

If both have very different expectations and if they don't discuss them openly, that will lead to conflict.

Some avoid setting boundaries because they think if they do so, they will be left or unloved. That will cause them to suffer in silence.

Therefore, I firmly believe that boundaries and expectations are essential for maintaining a successful married life.

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Thank you for reading my post.