SLC-S24/W5 - Thoughts and reflections.

Topic 2: Do you think being used by others allows you to mature in character and learn?

Antonio is a young former military officer, he wanted to travel to another country because the job offers in his country were very difficult, but he did not have the financial resources to leave the country, one day he met the young Isabel and well this young woman was financially stable so he noticed that and began to fall in love with her to such an extent that Isabel let herself be wooed, several outings and he asked her to help him financially to leave the country in search of economic stability for both of them once she supported him he left the country, when he was already in the other country everything changed radically to such an extent that he blocked her to cut off communication with her, she felt cheated and used to such an extent that she closed herself off to matters of love.

There’s something deeply painful about realizing someone only stayed close to you because they saw an opportunity, not a person. But there’s also something profoundly powerful in what happens after: the moment you find your voice and start saying no.

This story isn’t just about Antonio and Isabel; it’s about me, too, because I’ve lived it.

No, not in the exact same way, but close enough. I once had a friend who liked taking advantage of me, because I didn’t know how to say no. It started small, little favours, borrowing things, asking for help that seemed harmless. But as time went on, the demands grew louder and the friendship became one-sided. I gave time, attention, even money, often at the cost of my own peace.

Every time I hesitated, she would guilt-trip me.
“You’re the only one I can trust.”
“You know I would do the same for you.”
Except… she never did.

What broke me wasn’t the giving. It was realizing I was being used, not valued. The worst part? I knew it, but I didn’t know how to walk away. I didn’t want to be “mean.” I confused kindness with self-sacrifice.

It took months of emotional exhaustion before I had to sit myself down in front of a mirror and say, “This isn’t love. This isn’t friendship. This is you being afraid to say no.”

That was the day I chose boundaries over burnout.
That was the day I chose me.

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So, should we experience life to mature our character?

Honestly? Yes. Sometimes the only way we grow is through the very pain we try to avoid.

Antonio’s story is a powerful mirror. Isabel opened her heart and wallet to someone she thought saw her, not just her money. She gave out of trust, out of belief in a shared dream. And he, like many do, walked away the moment he got what he came for.

It’s heartbreaking.

But in her heartbreak, Isabel was gifted something else, wisdom. That kind of pain forces you to look inward. You start asking yourself the hard questions: Why did I trust him so quickly? What blind spots did I ignore? Why do I give so easily?

It doesn’t mean Isabel was foolish. It means she was human. And now, she gets to rebuild not from brokenness, but from clarity.

Maturity rarely comes from comfort. It comes from disappointment, reflection, and the courage to grow through what we go through.

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How can we tell when someone is just trying to take advantage of our good heart?

It’s not always obvious at first—but the signs are there if we slow down and pay attention:

• They only call when they need something.
• Your “no” always becomes a negotiation.
• You feel drained after spending time with them.
• They guilt-trip you into helping.
• They make promises they never keep.
• They disappear when you need support.

Looking back now, I realize that my friend’s pattern was consistent. It wasn’t about mutual care, it was about convenience. And once I stopped being convenient, she lost interest.

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My reflection: When I was being used, what did I learn?

I learned that kindness without boundaries is self-betrayal.

I learned that love without respect is manipulation.

And most importantly, I learned that saying “no” doesn’t make me a bad person—it protects the good in me from being drained.

It wasn’t easy. Setting boundaries felt like walking away from everything I thought I needed to be loved. But I gained something far greater: peace, clarity, and self-respect.

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Advice to anyone currently experiencing this:

1. Pause and Observe – If someone consistently makes you feel guilty, small, or drained, that’s a red flag. Real connections energize you, not exhaust you.

2. Practice Saying No – Start small. You don’t have to justify your limits. “I can’t help right now” is enough.

3. Remember Your Worth – You are not a stepping stone. You are not a bank. You are not just a listener for someone else’s chaos. You are a whole, valuable person.

4. It’s Okay to Walk Away – Even from long-time friends. Even from people you once loved. Loyalty is beautiful—but loyalty without mutual respect is slavery.

5. Seek Support – Whether it’s a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist—talk to someone. You’re not weak for needing help to rebuild your boundaries.

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We live in a world that sometimes praises selflessness to the point of self-destruction. But here’s the truth: you are allowed to protect yourself.

You are allowed to grow wiser without becoming bitter.
You are allowed to be generous, but not gullible.
You are allowed to choose peace over people who only bring storms.

And if someone left you like Antonio left Isabel, don’t close your heart forever.
Just build a gate around it. Let love in, but screen for intention.
Let people in, but never let anyone use you as their escape plan.

Because you are more than your kindness.
You are worthy of love that doesn’t come with conditions.
And you are allowed to say no and mean it.

All images created using Canva
I will like to invite other steemians @selina1 @afzalqamar, @solperez to join the challenge