SLC-S24/W4 - Do you think it is ideal for financial burden of a home to be managed by the husband alone | No Deal

Do you think it is ideal for the financial burden of a home to be managed by the husband alone?

My Stand: NO DEAL

Just so you understand my choice in this debate and why my submission is a bit lengthy, allow me a few lines to illuminate my background. I am Patrick, and I am the fourth out of five children. My dad (The bread-winner and the sole financial burden bearer in my home) died in 1998 of a road accident when I was only 7 years old and in Primary 4 (2nd Term).

You may already start imagining what difficulty we were thrown into after his untimely demise, as my uneducated mum was left with little or no option but to assume the complete responsibility, even though she had zero clue of where to begin. Although she had previously attempted to sell cooked food and AKARA (Bean cake) before her man died, she wasn't completely motivated to do that since she had "Backup" from her man (My Young Dad).

As I grew older, somehow I felt within me - If only my mum had taken things seriously, maybe my Hardworking dad would not have travelled that Sunday in a bid to get back home and deliver a bag of Garri that we needed in the house to make Eba... (Feeling emotional right now

).

The incidence of my Dad's passing got to us so badly that we all managed to scrap SSS3 - and by this I mean, we all managed to finish secondary school. My three eldest sisters could not further their education, and today, they can barely compete with anyone around them.

I was a bit fortunate because I passed my WASSCE and NECO and also had a Good Samaritan in the form of a Redeem Church Pastor who shouldered my school fees for 4 years in the University.

In a Family of 5 children, I was the only one who had the chance of attending the University, save my Kid brother who, through hell-like troubles after 10 years of my graduation, attempted and finished the University too.

Present Day Realities For Me

My post-NYSC experience wasn't a palatable one as I struggled for 6 years searching for Jobs to no avail. In these trying times, I was meticulous enough to learn some Soft-Tech skills like Digital Marketing, graphics and Video Editing and content writing. These skills eventually paved the way as my first job after countless banking job rejections, paid and also treated me well.

Although I had been married two years before I got my first high-paying ed-tech Job in Ikoyi, Lagos, the new job helped to brighten my day, and suddenly began to help erode my past pains and anger (Especially at my Mom).

My Experience, My Marriage and Why I Chose No Deal

I have now been married for 6 years+, and in these six years, I have shouldered 95% of the entire financial burden of my home. School fees, food, clothing, medical bills—every single cost has come from my pocket, and I know you are starting to think - Isn't this the same experience your dad had before his demise? - Exactly, but in my case, it is a little polished as my wife isn't as uneducated as my mum. My Wife holds a B.Ed and M.Ed degrees from the University of Ibadan, and from the department of Guidance and Counselling, but despite these degrees, she has not been able to contribute substantially financially. Not because she is lazy or unwilling, but because life threw her into a world she wasn’t prepared for—one where her degrees didn’t translate into a career, and her non-tech background made opportunities scarce.

Although I now own an ed-Tech startup (Digital marketing training institute) and also handle some side gigs, which translate to some sums every month, I cannot deny the fact that I have grown so tired in recent times..... Sometimes, I feel my eyes popping out due to poor sleeping patterns and long working, learning and unlearning hours.

What The Society Teaches

The society also doesn't seem to help men live healthy and long lives, as it still holds the belief that a “real man” must bear the financial weight of the home, no matter the cost. This same belief killed my Innocent Dad and has left many men emotionally drained, physically worn out, and mentally broken (As I think I am beginning to feel right now). The present-day Nigerian also isn’t forgiving. The cost of commodities and other necessities is so high that sometimes I feel so empty when I send the usual amount for food, as I have always done before.

Just like me, I am so sure many husbands suffer in silence, trying to live up to this idea of masculinity. Meanwhile, women, capable, educated, and strong, are sometimes sidelined, either by societal expectations or by circumstances that prevent them from earning to assist the men.

The Outcome Of My Trouble and The Options I Was Faced With

The truth is that, at some point, out of frustration, I quarrelled indoors with my wife and, on a few occasions had switched off my lines for two days without reaching her. I didn't want to die early like my dad, I was so scared of dying of a heart attack or stress.

Would I continue like this?

Anyways, I had two options:

I continue alone, pretending I am a superhero until I collapse under the pressure.

We both acknowledge reality—that in today’s world, running a home should be a partnership, not a one-man battle.

My Friend will exlaim - OMO! whenever he is tired of a thing....(Smile)

OMO, I chose the Second option - I called my wife to a meeting to talk about the present-day realities and to remind her of the story I had told her about my Dad before we got married.

The Outcome Of The Meeting

My choice of having a heart-to-heart talk with my wife changed everything.

First, we both agreed she needn't job-hunt anymore, instead, we could reach out to her brother, who had connections with a biscuit factory (As a wholesaler), if he could help her get into biscuit distribution too.

I provided the first capital of #200,000 (The only profit I made from a WordPress website design gig). With this Capital, the brother delivered the first batch of Cartons.

Although I bought everything in the house up to this point (I mean everything including the spoons, TV, Sofa, Bed, Curtains, Washing machine, Clothes, Kitchen stuffs - Name it), we agreed at this point that buying new things into the house would be the responsibility of everyone

School Fees and Lesson was also decided as Everyone's business

After this meeting, agreements and subsequent agreements, we started having better conversations, not arguments. We now had a clear path towards Teamship. Even if my wife couldn’t find a job in her field, I trained her with my Media Buying Course, bought her a laptop and gave her one of my social media management clients to handle (With My Supervision). Gradually, she has started to contribute financially, even in small ways. It didn’t just ease my burden—it healed our relationship. I felt seen. She felt empowered.

Other Things We Did

We also decided we were going to restructure our family vision, plus shared bills according to capacity, not ego. We built trust, not resentment. My wife has taken over the daily expenses in the house like food items that can be bough immediately as well as things my Baby boy needs immediately that cannot wait till month End while I handled major Expenses. For once, I felt like I had a partner, not just in love, but in responsibility..... Ha!

The Result?

Today, we are stronger together—not just financially, but emotionally. We laugh and chat on the phone more, and even playfully insult each other. I and snore better (Lolz). And my wife, who once felt like a liability, now feels like an asset. Not because I couldn’t do it alone, but because I shouldn’t have to.

I realised quickly that a home is not a one-man show. It is a joint mission, a shared dream, and a collective journey. This was the same thing my Parent failed to settle, leading to the untimely death of my Innocent Dad (Emotions).

Hey, the moment everyone accepts this truth, we free both men and women to become better versions of themselves, together.

I humbly Invite: @PreetyNoka, @bania and @sapient1