SLC-S24/W2 - Powerful Debate | Love vs Capability

Steem greetings @everyone and welcome to my blog as I share ideas on the Steemit challenge topic “Love vs Capability”, creating a debate on a split of mothers' minds. I hope you find pleasure in reading through this masterpiece.

My write-up will focus on the African context of motherhood from pre-colonial to post-independence. In the precolonial mindsets, mothers were not permitted to pursue a career. Still, they were often seen as household managers where they did the cooking, washing of dresses, and taking care of their kids and husband. During this era, there was no split of mindset among mothers because your sole responsibility was to cater for the home.

Modernisation came in during the post-independence era when the narratives now shifted from traditional stereotypes of women “…belonging to the kitchen” to women venturing into different career dynamics ranging from politics, entrepreneurship, business, etc.

However, this does not change the fact that as an African mother, despite pursuing a career your mind is most often split and still brings us back to being “best household managers”. This brings me back to the question 👇👇👇

Should mothers be judged for pursuing their careers or dreams?

As an African mother, I always have that sentimental attachment to my kids and I believe that no one can take good care of your kids than yourself. But then, I also have to follow my dreams.

Growing up as a child, my mom was always there to see that our welfare was good not because she had “too much” but because that is just African mothers for us. It was a traditional setup where gender stereotypes never permitted women to pursue a career. But my mom was determined to see that we were following our dreams.

While I was chasing my dreams, I got married and had 2 kids and presently 3 kids. We live in a conflict zone where anything can happen at any given moment. I had to look for a live-out nanny to cater for the kids while I was following my dreams.

But then, my mind was never at peace knowing fully that I left my kids with a stranger in the name of “nanny”. Not because the nanny was not good but I could not focus totally on my job site especially when I could hear the sounds of gunshots, bombs and explosives.

Most often I had to gaze through the windows wondering how to return home when separatist fighters mounted barricades on the road and my kids were at home.

At times I sit in guilt and blame myself for putting my career first before my kids. One good thing to keep me going is that I have a supportive husband whenever I try to blame myself, he encourages me and splits responsibility in a way that no one will be blamed.

After all, we are working together for the betterment of our kids. We are not following a career for selfish purposes but because we want to be able to offer better opportunities for our kids. We want a bright future for our kids and that cannot be achieved if we sit back at home waiting on the man to provide everything for us. What if your husband dies when nothing has been achieved yet? Therefore, mothers should not be blamed for pursuing their careers but also they should take into consideration their responsibility as mothers while pursuing their careers.

Is a mother who focuses on her work life and neglects the responsibility of her children, can she still be called a "perfect mom"?

Before I go into details permit me to share with you that what describes a perfect mom is showing unconditional love, instilling values, creating a safe environment for them, and providing care and support for your kid's well-being.

Becoming a mother entails lots of responsibility. Though there is no perfect mother out there we often try our best to become perfect moms. As a career mom, we often try to balance out work-life and take responsibility for the kid's well-being. Never prioritize your work over your responsibility as a mother.

When you allow your work life to outweigh your responsibility as a mother, you tend to fail your kids and should not be considered a perfect mom. Once you prioritize your work, you fail your responsibility to provide unconditional love to your kids because you return home exhausted and transfer aggression from work to your kids. You failed to provide support and care to your kids, you failed to instil values and nurture a good environment for your kid's safety.

In a nutshell, follow your dreams but as well do not forget your responsibilities as a mom because your children's future depends on your responsibility as a perfect mom.

What defines a good mother? A mother who commits all her life to her children, raising them, or a mother who works day and night to build a better future for her children while holding on to her dreams?

As I earlier mentioned, what describes us as a good mother is our ability to show unconditional love, support and care for them, provide a safe space, instil values in our kids, etc.

A good mother entails lots of responsibilities and these cannot be achieved if we only sit at home and commit all our lives to our children. To be able to provide these responsibilities as mothers, we also need to work to be able to earn because nowadays nothing substantial can be achieved without money.

A better future for your kids can only be guaranteed if you have money. Without money, there is no future for your children. Therefore, mothers need to work to be able to earn money they can use to provide a better future for their children. Depending only on one source of income from your husband is risky in the present economy.

Notwithstanding, mothers while chasing dreams to provide a better future for their kids should also have time for self-care. Without self-care, you might end the journey short because you never considered that you also have a life to live.

I will invite @pelon53, @shiftitamanna and @stef1 to share ideas on the challenge.

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