people don't change
However, people often do not like to hear this, especially when they are in love, When we find out certain truths about the person we love, we may believe that they can change.
But based on my experience, people usually do not change, Instead, they find other ways to hide the truth from you, If you tend to observe things closely, you will eventually uncover the truth.
However, if you love that person, you may ignore certain aspects, your decisions often come from your emotions, which is understandable considering your love for them.
Giving advice to someone who is in love can be challenging because, no matter how good your advice is, there is a good chance that they will not follow it because of their feelings.
We can't blame them, love is a beautiful experience, and at some point in our lives, we all want to feel loved, However, it becomes painful when you recognize the red flags in your partner, understand the truth about them, and choose to ignore the signs just because you don't want to hurt their feelings or because you believe they will change.
Remember, red flags are not just small problems, they indicate serious problems, It is almost impossible for someone to change, especially if they don't feel the same way about you.
love can change people
I believe that people don’t fundamentally change, but I have come to realize something else. If you love someone and they love you back—and if you’re both willing to make the relationship work—then change is possible.
Love is incredibly powerful, and it can lead to transformative action. One of the things love does is inspire people to achieve the impossible, often without even realizing it.
I’ve observed intelligent people who, when it comes to the people they love, sometimes act foolishly. They may be wise in their professional lives or when interacting with others, but when it comes to the people they love, they don’t always make the best choices.
People may not change fundamentally, but love has the power to inspire change in us. Love can influence our behavior, beliefs, and the way we live our lives.
For example, a father who truly loves his children may change his behavior for the sake of his family, and this change can have a positive impact on his children. I believe that love has the power to change us. However, if you do not love your partner in return or are not willing to change for them, it may be difficult to make the relationship work.
Intention is important
The only way to know if someone is truly willing to change for you is through their deliberate actions, you will see their commitment to change reflected in what they do, not just their words.
Those who are truly seeking change will prioritize it and integrate it into their lives. Love can sometimes blind us into believing that people who are not trying will eventually change, but that is a false hope. This illusion can lead us to waste our time and energy.
It is important to understand that no one is perfect. The closer you are to someone, the more you will see areas where they may need to change. If they truly love you as much as you love them, they will make an effort to change—even without you having to ask them to.
They will prioritize the change and integrate it into their life, making it easier for you to appreciate their efforts. You don't need to feel pressured because you will see that they are trying their best to be better. This shows that they are genuinely trying to improve.
However, if you don't see this effort, it may be better to let them go to avoid further pain. That's my discussion tonight, hopefully it will be useful, that's all and thank you.
Change is definitely possible ;) as you said:
For example me and my girlfriend. We got together near easter 2020, but i didn't feel anything, thought the feels would came some day, but i have in general difficults at feeling. Back then i used to smoke weed everyday and took other things too, every now and then. We broke up in september 2020. But we still had contact somewhen. At silvester 2020 we did something with her friends and at midnight i wanted to kiss her, but resisted when i remembered that we aren't together anymore.
While we weren't together anymore i noticed how good she did to my life and somewhen even the feelings came. And at january 2021 we went back together but she wanted me to be clean! It were 2 hard years. I couldn't imagine to be clean. I wanted my weed, i needed it. So we reduced every couple of time. Like first only somking at weekends, then every second weekend, etc. And i did it for her. More or less. I still have my right to smoke on some days, like the 420-day or my birthday, christmas, etc. But i don't smoke regularly anymore. So change is definitely possible, if both are willing to make the relationship work ;)
And i must admit, it was definitely the best decision in my life to get back together with her! Now i'm clean, besides those days, and we have a beautiful son together whom gives me so much more than drugs! Without her i would still live at home, smoke weed on a regular basis, get trouble to make a break from it, when i didn't get high from it anymore, and probably i would've died from eating so less (i guess someday i would fell and hit my head on an edge so bad that i die^^).
And now i'm in the phase between: I want to do drugs again since it was a fun time and no, let it be! Don't get me wrong, most of the time i don't need something to get me high anymore. But then are still some days or moments where i want to get some little high. But most of all it's an identity crisis. Like i used to take so many drugs, went on parties, stayed awake until the next day, etc. And now my life totally changed: At 09:45 p.m. it's time for bed (like wtf!?^^), i don't go to partues anymore, which makes the weekend a bit boring, since you don't have that looking forward to the party on the weekend, but you have no plans for it, since you don't do much, you need that time to charge your batteries and then BOOM! monday again...
I have to find my newself at the moment, but the wish for a big party again is still inside me, sometimes... And it's really hard to find yourself again after all those years. Specially if you were no-one in first place... So you have no anchor on where to start to find yourself again. It's all so new also with our son, but very beautiful! So i guess i should start to look for myself somewhere there. But i still don't realize it 100% yet... I still have a long way before me, but i will definitely make it!
Wow, hearing your story of so many changes in refraining from drugs, cigarettes and others, which is so difficult for me considering you can restrain yourself from those addictions, for the sake of your girlfriend, it is true that love can change everything, it seems impossible but it really happens, thank you for your extraordinary comment, my friend, it is nice to hear your story with your girlfriend, until you have a son, an extraordinary struggle with your girlfriend, greetings @dissi
I still struggle with cigarettes. While my girlfriend was pregnant i quit but some month after our son was born i started again with it... And at the moment i don't feel like going to quit it soon, since i still hang somehow on my drug-past and it's "the last thing i can keep from it" as said. Also i somehow need it to not break down, when there is nothing to do at work for 8 hours straight. Imagine sitting there and being unable to do something, but you're forced to sit there for 8 hours. And the day after it's the same, etc. Somewhen you get crazy. So at least i can take a smoke break once every hour and have 5 minutes of doing something^^
Also i roll my cigs. And i really love to roll them since it's like making a joint, which i really love to do. Not only to smoke it, that's for sure, but also the process of rolling it i like^^ i rolled them always with such a love, and somehow this love would be a missing part when i would quit cigarettes...
But at least i get my "right" to be able to smoke a joint once every while, which is also a great success. Completely without i still can't imagine, and i also don't see something wrong in smoking one, once every while. Sure, if i would smoke again everyday that would be a big problem! But with this compromise to have those days where i can smoke a joint it's a good go :)
But it's crazy, when i think back how we went together to the SerD (public addiciton help) for me and first i was like "i say now i want to let it, but somehow i would manage to persuade her that i still can take my drugs" since i really couldn't imagine a life without that everything! So we started with the chemical drugs, which wasn't a big deal for me since i was never addicted to them, but still, thinking i can go to no party anymore, or can't participate in a so called serata anymore was a big struggle for me, since it was my life, it was me, it was who i am. Later on we started to cut weed. And even there i couldn't imagine a life without it. I wanted to cut it down, to not smoke it everyday, but complete without i didn't want to. Specially that i don't have any festive days like easter, christmas or even my birthday. The only festive days i have are the 420-day and new years eve. 420-day is the day for joints and new years eve it's my tradition now since 2015 to smoke a joint at midnight. Theb other festive days like christmas or my birthday i smoke since i don't like that days. So to get them a bit more comfortable at least i can smoke a joint ;)
And now i'm here. Smoking only those days a joint and don't take anything else. It was for sure a hard way and without my girlfriend i wouldn't have been able to came so far!
Thanks if you appreciate my story so much :)
Yes, I hope you can live a pleasant life without remembering your past regarding negative things, because drugs and marijuana and drunkenness are not good for your health and also for your life to become better, I hope you are always healthy, my friend @dissi
@mikitaly
@mikitaly